


For A Moment There

by illbeyourreasonwhy



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Pride Gift Exchange, Set after 3x07
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-13 00:48:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19240465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illbeyourreasonwhy/pseuds/illbeyourreasonwhy
Summary: Set directly after 3x07. TJ lays his feelings out in the open and doesn't get a response; misunderstandings ensue.Or, these boys would have a much easier time if they just talked to each other.





	For A Moment There

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Seraph_Novak](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seraph_Novak/gifts).



> First fic here! I had the idea of writing this during the first hiatus after seeing this post (https://lezbayn.tumblr.com/post/180647228443/imagine-if-cyrus-forgets-to-un-block-tj-and-tj), but never got around to it until the pride exchange when I got more inspiration. Anyways, hope you guys liked it!

TJ isn’t really sure when he started falling for Cyrus Goodman.

It might have been in that small room at the back of a basketball gym, when in his best friend’s shining moment Cyrus chose to sit across from TJ and assure him, all kind eyes and earnest smiles, that there was nothing wrong with him. Or it could have been later, after spending an entire afternoon together to teach Cyrus how to do a summersault. Or maybe it was always there, building quietly right from the beginning at the swings and slowly growing until TJ looked over at his friend and felt his heart skip a beat.

All he knows is that he really, really likes him. And he never wants to lose him again. This week without him was hell, and TJ doesn’t ever want to go through that again.

And, well, maybe it’s the ecstatic part of him at having Cyrus back, but he thinks Cyrus might like him too. Maybe. Possibly. Something happened at the swings, earlier. He isn’t sure what. But for a moment there…

For a moment there, he thought Cyrus wanted to kiss him.

TJ sure wanted to kiss him. He’s wanted to kiss him for a while now, and maybe he’s wrong, maybe he’s imagining things, but Cyrus might feel the same way and TJ kind of thinks it wouldn’t be the worst thing to find out if that’s true or not.

TJ has been lying on his bed thinking about the afternoon for hours now, but he suddenly sits up straight, his heart hammering in his chest.

It’s true, isn’t it? He does want to know if Cyrus feels the same way. Maybe it’s just him still being on the high from this afternoon, but right now he feels as though nothing could bring him down. So what’s to stop him from finding out?

He’s picking up his phone before he can really think about it. His heart is beating faster than he can ever remember and he has to stand up and pace around his room as he dials the number, and…

And Cyrus doesn’t pick up. Of course he doesn’t, it’s 10 o’clock at night and he’s probably asleep right now. His tinny voice is telling TJ to leave a message, and TJ takes a deep breath, opens his mouth – and hastily hangs up before he can get a word out.

He’s not leaving a message. Well, not like this. TJ takes another breath, staring at his phone, and opens his and Cyrus’ texts with shaky hands. He’s going to write him. It’s better this way. He can organise his thoughts, make sure he isn’t forgetting anything, and Cyrus will never know how much his voice is shaking. Yeah, it’s better this way.

It takes him almost an hour to write something he is satisfied with. Well, he’s not  _entirely_  satisfied with it, but it’ll have to do. It took him several rewritings, and at this point he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to write something so perfect he’ll be 100% okay with.

_Hey, Cy_

_Sorry for texting so late. Or I guess it doesn’t matter, you’ll read this in the morning. Anyways, I have something to tell you._

_I like you. A lot. As in, I-have-feelings-for-you, I-really-want-to-take-you-on-a-date-at-the-Spoon-because-it’s-the-only-place-I-can-afford, like you. I really like you, and I’m hoping that you might maybe like me too._

_If you don’t, just ignore this message. Seriously. Delete it, pretend you never saw it, and we’ll go back to being just friends. It’s fine, I understand, and I’m sorry if I made things weird._

_But if you do… Feel free to give me a call, yeah?_

 

TJ’s heartbeat still hasn’t calmed down. Come to think of it, that’s probably not healthy. But that’ll be a problem for another day, because right now, he needs to find the strength to send this damn message.

“Come on, Kippen,” he mutters. “You can do this.”

And with that, he closes his eyes, opens them because he can’t see the screen anymore, and presses Send.

And then promptly turns his phone off for the night because he knows if he doesn’t he won’t get any sleep, desperately waiting for Cyrus’ response. Which he won’t get till the morning, since he’s sleeping.

If he gets a response.

He will. He  _will_.

 

TJ’s first move when he opens his eyes is to reach for his phone and turn it back on. He didn’t get that much sleep, to be honest, and he doesn’t think he’ll be able to calm down until he sees what Cyrus has to say.

Cyrus hasn’t answered.

TJ’s heart sinks, for half a second, before he glances up at the time. It’s 8 in the morning, he rationalises, it’s possible that Cyrus hasn’t woken up yet. Or if he has, he might not have looked at his phone. It’s fine. It’s  _fine_.

He goes downstairs, eats breakfast, checks his phone, curses that it’s the weekend and it’ll be that much more time until he sees Cyrus and know what to do with himself, gets dressed, checks his phone, plays video games to try and distract himself, checks his phone.

By noon he still doesn’t have an answer, and he’s starting to freak out. He got it wrong, he misread the signals, he must have been seeing what he wanted to see. Or maybe not. Maybe Cyrus is just trying to figure out what to say. God knows it took TJ a while to know what to write, so he can only expect Cyrus to be in the same situation. He needs to give him time.

He throws a few hoops in his garden to distract himself, checks his phone, feels his heart jump to his throat when he sees it bare of notifications.

He should call Cyrus. Explain, maybe apologise. He should – no.

No, he should give Cyrus time. He deliberately put the ball in his court, and he needs to own up to that. If worse comes to worse… if he never answers… well, TJ will worry about that later.

 

Cyrus hasn’t answered by the time he goes to bed that night.

 

TJ isn’t sure what he is expecting when he goes back to school the next day. He’s not sure what the protocol is. He told Cyrus to treat him as though nothing happened, but…

“Hey, Teej!”

TJ whirls around, and for the briefest of moments feels his heart soar. Cyrus is walking towards him, the most blinding of smiles on his face, and TJ thinks to himself  _Okay. It’s okay._

“Hey, Cyrus,” he answers, surprised with how composed he manages to sound. “What… What’s up?”

Cyrus shrugs, smile still on. “Nothing much. Just trying to escape Andi and her wedding talk.” He grins, and TJ waits, waits, waits. “How was your weekend?” Cyrus adds.

TJ steels himself. “Good,” he answers, voice strangled. “How was yours? Anything happen?”

Cyrus shakes his head. “Not really. Unless you count me attempting to work on a routine for my dance class. You should see me – actually, no, you really shouldn’t. It’s bad.”

His smile is still in place, and TJ feels every last shred of hope he didn’t even know he was holding onto slip away.

He’d thought, in the back of his mind, that maybe Cyrus would want to talk to him in person. That they would figure it out when they saw each other again. But here Cyrus is, smile in place and talking about his uneventful weekend, where nothing, nothing out of the ordinary happened.

_If you don’t, just ignore this message_

TJ sucks in a breath. He can’t do this; he has to go, has to put some distance between him and Cyrus before he completely falls apart.

“I – I have to go,” he gets out, pushing past him as he rushes into the building.

He doesn’t stop until he reaches the bathroom, where he locks himself in a stall and lowers himself on the ground, fighting back tears. Every single part of him hurts. His throat is raw and he wants to scream, at himself, at Cyrus, at the world for making him feel this way. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.

He thought finding out whether or not Cyrus felt the same way he did wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. He had been so wrong.

A choked off sob escapes his lips and he balls his hands into fists, refusing to let anything else out. He won’t cry. He won’t.

He landed himself in this mess. He told Cyrus how he felt, and he told Cyrus to pretend it didn’t happen. He has to keep up his end of the deal now, too. He has to go out, smile at Cyrus and go on as they always have, no matter how much it hurts.

If that is what he has to do to stay friends with Cyrus, he’ll do it. He’ll take friendship over nothing.

If the hell of a week he spent proved anything, it’s that he will always take Cyrus over no Cyrus. Always. No matter how much it hurts.

It hurts so much more to be away from him.

 

“TJ, hey!”

TJ takes a deep breath, paints a smile on his face, and turns from his locker to face Cyrus’ smiling face. “Cy, what’s up?”

“Do you want to sit with me at lunch?”

TJ swallows. “Uh, what?”

“Well, me, Andi, Buffy and Jonah,” Cyrus corrects. He is still smiling. TJ has to look away.

_He knows_ , his brain screams at him.  _He knows how you feel, he knows, he knows everything_.

It takes everything in TJ to look up back up at him.

Cyrus’ smile has dimmed, if only a little. “I talked to Buffy and Andi,” he says. “I told them we worked it out, it’s fine.”

There is something so hopeful in Cyrus’ eyes, and, even though it is killing him inside at the moment, TJ still has no ability whatsoever to refuse him.

“Of course, Underdog,” he says easily. “Lead the way.”

Cyrus beams at him, pulling him forward and chattering away as they walk towards the cafeteria. TJ listens, puts in a few words, keeps his smile in place.

He can do this. For Cyrus, he can do this.

 

Lunch is… surprisingly okay. TJ’s hurt feelings take a backburner for a few minutes as he approaches the table and is faced with three hostile faces – okay, maybe not hostile, but definitely not overjoyed either. Cyrus narrows his eyes at them, and Buffy and Jonah back off, even if Andi still keeps an eye on TJ. He can’t blame her. He  _did_ put her best friend in danger, even if it was the last thing he ever wanted to do. He still did it.

God, how did he ever think that Cyrus could like him? He doesn’t understand how he even tolerates him. TJ considers himself lucky that Cyrus still wants to talk to him after everything that happened.

Cyrus seems to notice his discomfort, turning slightly to him and discreetly raising an eyebrow. TJ smiles reassuringly and shakes his head, but Cyrus glances around the table and his eyes land on Andi, who is still looking coldly at TJ.

“Andi,” he snaps, startling everyone at the table and cutting Buffy mid-rant. “Stop it.”

“What?” she asks, looking genuinely confused.

“I told you,” Cyrus says, less angrily but leaving no room for argument. “TJ and I worked it out. You don’t need to keep antagonising him.”

“I’m not –” Andi stops herself and nods, looking from Cyrus to TJ. “Okay. Okay, sorry. I know you didn’t mean to put Cyrus in danger,” she says, surprising TJ by directly addressing him. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too,” TJ quickly answers. “Believe me. I’ll never do it again.”

The rest of lunch is better. Everyone talks and laughs and TJ feels included, which is nice. He notices Buffy looking between him and Cyrus at one point, looking perplexed, and realises Cyrus probably told her what happened. The thought makes his stomach churn and he looks away, missing the small smile she sends him.

The next few days are painfully normal. TJ starts eating lunch with Cyrus and his friends everyday; they’re nice, and he’s starting to feel like maybe they could become his friends too. It’s a comforting thought, since after what happened with Reed and Lester TJ found himself essentially friendless. Aside from Cyrus, and Cyrus is – well, complicated.

On the surface, everything is fine. They talk and laugh and are slightly more touchy than most friends are, and it’s killing him. He knows he is the one who asked Cyrus to act as if nothing had happened, and that he shouldn’t fault Cyrus for doing so, but that’s exactly how it feels – like  _nothing_  has happened.

And it hurts, because it’s starting to dawn on TJ that that’s what his confession meant to Cyrus – nothing.

Nothing has changed, not a single thing. There are no awkward moments they work around, no lingering looks that are hastily cut short, no uncomfortable silences they have to push through. It’s all normal, all very fine, and TJ doesn’t feel fine at all.

Cyrus is smiling at TJ right now and playing the latest installment of tater theater, and TJ knows he is the one who asked for that, but he kind of wishes he hadn’t. He wishes Cyrus would at least look affected by what happened, but he doesn’t, at  _all_ , and it’s making TJ feel like his feelings are meaningless, that  _he_  is meaningless. And it hurts.

Baby Tater 1 starts moaning about unrequited love, and TJ snaps.

“Are you kidding me?” he bites out, standing up from the booth. Cyrus and Buffy look up at him in concern. “Seriously? Unrequited love? You couldn’t find anything else to talk about?”

“TJ, what’s –” Cyrus has put down the tater, and he looks so genuinely confused that TJ wants to cry. “What’s wrong?”

“You really have to ask?” TJ asks bitterly. He can’t look at Cyrus. He can’t. “Do my feelings really mean that little to you?”

Cyrus’ mouth opens, closes, and he stands up, takes a step closer to TJ. “TJ –”

And TJ can’t do this. He can’t listen to Cyrus right now, not if it’s to be rejected all over again.

“I’m gonna go,” he says quickly, taking his coat. “I’ll see you later.”

 

“Can we talk?”

They’re at the swings. Of  _course_  they’re at the goddamn swings. That’s where they always seem to end up, isn’t it?

“How’d you know I’d be here?” he asks, even if he already knows the answer.

Cyrus smiles hesitantly. “I didn’t. I just hoped you would be. Can I sit?”

“Sure.” This is Cyrus’ space. TJ knows that. No matter what happens, he never wants to take that away from him.

Cyrus sits on the swing next to his, feet slowly dragging on the ground. “Are you okay?” he finally asks. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” TJ says shortly. If he says it enough, maybe it will become true. “I’m sorry about earlier.”

He shouldn’t have lashed out. He knows that. Cyrus didn’t mean anything by it; unrequited love is a universal theme, after all, and he probably wasn’t thinking. There isn’t a mean bone in his body, and TJ knows the last thing he would do is purposefully hurt him.

“Do you… want to talk about it?” Cyrus asks slowly. His voice is cautious, but there is something else there as well, and TJ almost wants to say yes, but he can’t. He can’t talk about this, not to Cyrus, not without falling apart. Not yet, at least.

“I really would rather not.”

“TJ –”

“ _Please_ , Cyrus.”

Cyrus swallows, but he nods after a few seconds. “Okay,” he says, although he doesn’t look too happy to let it go. “If you ever change your mind…”

“You’ll be the first to know, believe me.”

 

He’s not too sure how he got roped into going to a movie night at Andi’s. Actually, he’s not even sure how he was asked to go to the movie night in the first place. It’s only been a week since TJ started hanging out with Cyrus’ friends, and he knows he’s not part of the inner circle. And yet here he is, sitting in the middle of Andi’s living room while she and Buffy argue about which movie to watch. Jonah seems to have given up on convincing them to watch Avengers and is busying himself with making popcorn in the kitchen. That leaves Cyrus, who’s hovering closer to the couch but looking unsure whether or not he’s allowed to sit down.

TJ raises an eyebrow at him. “You planning on standing all night?”

Cyrus smiles, looking relieved, and moves to sit next to him - and, okay, this is way closer than necessary. A week ago TJ wouldn’t have cared; heck, he would have wanted to sing with joy with this attention. But everything is different now, despite how much they both pretend it isn’t, and while TJ’s heart is still skipping a beat when their arms brush, he also kind of wants to cry.

But instead he smiles, joins in when Cyrus makes a joke, and revels in the way the other boy beams at him when he bumps shoulders with him. It doesn’t matter if it’s slowly killing him inside; unfortunately, he’s starting to understand that he’ll always choose making Cyrus smile over his own happiness.

At least, that what he thinks until the movie starts.

He has no idea what movie the girls decided on, because Cyrus is moving closer and suddenly TJ forgets how to think. The lights are out, everyone is looking at the TV and Cyrus’ arm is constantly brushing his, and TJ doesn’t know what to do. He feels as though he should move away, but he seems glued to the spot. He doesn’t understand what is happening. Why is Cyrus doing this, why is he going out of his way to touch him when he rejected him a week ago?

He’s not sure how long the movie has been going on by now; he couldn’t tell you what the plot was if his life depended on it. Then Cyrus inches his hand closer, pauses for half a second, then firmly grabs his hand.

TJ jumps up. “What are you doing?”

Cyrus inches back, mouth opening and closing. “Sorry… I… I thought…”

“You thought what?” TJ is dimly aware of the movie being paused behind him, of the other three watching them, but all he can see is Cyrus, staring back at him with eyes redder than usual. His hand feels like it’s burning, and he’s having trouble taking in gulps of air. “You thought, ‘Hey, let’s play with TJ’s feelings a week after I turned him down, that’ll be a great time for everyone!’?“

He’s not even angry, not really. He’s hurt. He could deal with Cyrus not returning his feelings. But he never in a million years thought that Cyrus would deliberately try to lead him on.

Cyrus looks dumbfounded. “TJ, what -”

“I thought we were friends,” TJ goes on, voice breaking. “Why would you do this?”

Cyrus stands up as well, taking a cautious step closer. TJ takes two steps back.

“TJ,” he says, sounding genuinely worried, “what’s wrong?”

TJ takes a shuddering breath. There are tears springing to his eyes and he takes another step back, refusing to let anyone see.

“I can’t do this,” he says desperately. “I can’t do this anymore. I know I’m the one who said I didn’t want anything to change, but I can’t keep acting like nothing happened.”

Cyrus stares at him. “TJ, what the hell are you talking about?”

“What do you think I’m talking about?” His voice cracks on the last word and he hates it, but he’s on a roll now and he can’t stop. “I poured my heart out to you, and you treated it like it was nothing! And I know it’s not fair, I know I’m the one who told you to pretend I hadn’t said anything, but it’s too hard. I can’t do this anymore.”

Cyrus hasn’t moved, looking more confused with every word TJ says, and TJ wants to scream.

“The  _text_ , Cyrus! Remember?”

That does it. In a split-second, Cyrus’ expression goes from confusion to horror, and TJ can’t be here anymore. He can’t stay and listen to Cyrus explain to him all the reasons for which he didn’t answer his text, he can’t.

He turns and runs out of the house, ignoring Cyrus calling his name.

 

*

“TJ, wait!”

Cyrus can only watch as TJ disappears out the door, too numb to go after him. It’s only once he is gone that he manages to slowly pull his phone out of his pocket, desperately hoping he’s wrong.

He’s distantly aware of Buffy moving closer to him and asking what happened, but it’s as if he’s underwater, far away from her and the others, his heart heavy with dread as he reaches TJ’s contact number.

“Oh, no.”

He never unblocked his number.

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.”

“Cyrus, what’s wrong?”

How could he be so  _stupid_? He had forgotten to unblock TJ, who must have sent him something important, and he  _missed_ it. Not only that, but TJ had obviously been hurting for a while, and Cyrus had done nothing to help.

“No, no, no. I messed up, I messed up so bad.” He feels like he’s going to be sick. “I - I forgot to unblock TJ - and he must have tried to call me - and I didn’t know - and I - I  _messed up_.”

He’s shaking. He can hear that he sounds choked up, but he doesn’t care. All he cares about is finding TJ and making this right.

“Cyrus,” Andi says, looking guilt-stricken, “I’m so -”

He cuts her off, pulling his phone to his ear as he calls TJ. He’s not angry at Andi, could never be angry at her for being protective of him. He’s the one who messed up.

TJ doesn’t pick up, and Cyrus fights back a sob.

“He hates me,” he chokes out. “I ruined everything.”

“Hey,” Buffy says, taking his arm, “go find him. It’s not over yet. Find him, and talk to him.”

She’s right. He’s out of the door in an instant, almost running like TJ did a few minutes ago. He’s on his way to TJ’s house and is cutting through the park to get there faster when he stops short. It’s late out and the sun is down, but even in the dark there is no mistaking the lone figure on the swings.

“I like you too!” he almost shouts, running towards him.

TJ looks up, startled. He looks like he’s been crying, and Cyrus wants to punch himself in the face.

“I like you too,” he repeats once he reaches him, out of breath. “TJ, I’m so sorry, but you have to know -”

“Don’t,” TJ says. He isn’t angry, or even sad. He just sounds defeated. “Don’t do this.”

“Do what?”

“Don’t lie to make me feel better or something, okay?”

“I’m not -”

“I don’t need to be your charity case, Cyrus. I’m sorry I freaked out, but I’m fine, I promise, so please don’t say you like me if you don’t mean it, because I swear I can’t take it -”

“I never got your text.”

TJ stops, raises his head to look up at him, looking shocked. “What?”

“I -” Cyrus swallows. “I didn’t get your text. I, uh - I blocked you on my phone back when we weren’t talking, and I… I forgot to unblock you. I’m sorry.” TJ stares at him, unmoving, and Cyrus doesn’t know what to do. “I’m so sorry, TJ. You have no idea. I’m so sorry. But I promise - I do like you. I like you so much, and I have for a while now, and I’m so sorry I made you think I didn’t.”

TJ still isn’t moving, but his eyes are searching Cyrus’ face in the dark, looking for any sign that this might be real.

“You never got my text,” he finally says in a hollow voice.

Cyrus shakes his head. “No,” he breathes.

And TJ - TJ looks like he’s about to cry. He stands up from the swing and takes a tentative step closer, and Cyrus moves forward to wrap his arms tightly around him. TJ hugs him back desperately, burying his face in his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, TJ,” he says again. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” he mumbles in his shoulder. “I should’ve just  _talked_ to you. Would have made things so much easier for both of us.”

He can’t tell how long it is until they pull away. TJ’s eyes are misty, but he reaches down to take Cyrus’ hands in his in a way that makes Cyrus’ heart jump.

“So,” he says quietly, unable to look Cyrus in the eye, “if I were to ask you on a date…”

“I’d say yes, and about time.”

TJ exhales, a smile blooming on his face. “Cool.”

And when they go back to Andi’s a little later and the others ask them if they are okay, Cyrus only needs to raised their entangled hands to answer.


End file.
